Reflections
2022 was an unforgettable year. I spent nine months traveling around the country - out to the great Southwest twice, and all the way up to Maine and New England, thousands of photos taken and countless miles hiked through state and national parks. That exhilirating feeling of experiencing a new place for the first time with someone special, not knowing what is around the next bend and what you might find. The awakening scent of juniper and sagebrush, the heartwarming flavor of the red and green Chile peppers, the crisp salty air blowing against your face on the edge of a cliff overlooking the vast expanse of the Atlantic. I am eternally grateful for these opportunities, memories, and experiences. I am thankful to have a job that allows for so much travel, to have my health to move and explore in this new terrain, and the freedom to do so without constraint.
Despite being in these incredible circumstances, I can’t help but notice that something is off within myself. It took a breakup, a few good books, and some serious introspection to realize that I wasn’t present in the moment, in the day to day, in my relationships. I was restless and distracted, looking at what was next instead of fully enjoying and appreciating what was in front of me. I was driven by compulsion, rather than thoughtful intent. I was rigid, impatient, and selfish. I could not relax and be still, there was always something else to do, something else to see. Although this anxiety did yield some positive results with my photography and physical health, it came at a high cost in my personal relationships and state of mind. Worst of all, I was not aware of this imbalance, at times using this restlessness as a strength, a source of energy to accomplish a goal. I thought that I was just being me…I am the way I am, why would I ever need to change?
As I get to know myself better and look ahead to 2023, I do so with a calming sense of relief. I am learning how to slow down and worry less, practice patience, empathy and gratitude, to be okay with doing nothing, and most importantly, be present. I have a long way to go, and I look forward to this journey.